Today was one of those days....................meeting about a parent complaint, politics, meeting about curriculum, more politics, conferencing with a frustrated teacher. The best part of my day was at the end when I was talking to a teacher and making plans to work with her while she formulated her lesson plans for next week. That got me excited because it has a direct impact on children!
When I became a principal 5 years ago I envisioned how I would make an impact in the lives of children. Many days, however, I don't feel like I make an impact at all. Many days, leadership feels like I am a roach, hiding from the bug guy, only coming out when the lights are out. Leadership feels like someone is always out to get you.
When you are in charge people feel like it is OK to talk about you. They think it is OK to believe the absolute worst about you. People think it is OK to make things up about you so that they can get their way. I don't believe any of this was in the job description. Am I strong enough to endure the insanities of the job?
I work with an awesome group of staff members and the children bring so much joy in my life. As the teachers try and improve their practice, I have been pushing them and challenging them. For many, this creates stress. Yes, I know the old saying that you know you are changing if you feel uncomfortable. I realize this, but instead I feel more like:
"If you want to make enemies, try to change something". ~Woodrow Wilson
I don't want to create stress in the lives of overworked, overstressed teachers, but at the same time, I know that we must continue to reach every student, every parent. Our job is too important. I am the one that needs to constantly shout the vision. I am the one that needs to challenge and create better opportunities for staff, students and parents. I hope that when I push others to learn something new, that it doesn't feel like a giant shove off of a cliff. But, if I'm not pushing, no gain is made and we are still at the status quo. Status quo is not good enough.
I know that when I make decisions, it is what I think is best for the children. Why can't that be what people see? Why does it have to be the worst? Why can't people realize that I am a human being and make mistakes.
Please forgive me when I make them...............
Being a Christian, I pray for guidance, strength, and courage. Is this the plan that God has for me?
I know the feeling of which you speak. Working for many years in Catholic Schools, I often wondered about whether this was what I was called to do. When I became an administrator I had many days when I wondered whether I had the strength to continue to walk down this path. In my first few years, it was trial by fire as an administrator. I had many times when I doubted myself and my decisions and what I was doing. During my most trying times, when I felt I was all alone, that was when I found my faith to be tested and when it grew the most.
ReplyDeleteNow, 10 years into being an administrator, I know that there will be many days when things won't be fun and games, when people won't agree and the decisions made will be questioned and challenged. It's all part of being a leader. I also know that there are times to push the status quo, to challenge and question present practices and work at moving things along. I have also learned that there are times when listening to what those around you are saying is the most important thing you can do. It is important to remember that what we are doing must take into account the people with whom we work.
Right now, as I work at changing the culture in two schools, moving toward bringing them together into one school while also changing the learning culture, it is important that I remember that I cannot do this without the people with whom I work. There have been many trying days and many challenges that I did not forsee but I know that the path of least resistance will be what is best for kids. Continue to walk the narrow path. It is not easy but it is the most satisfying and rewarding.
Thank you so much for your words of encouragement. Some days are hard and I too have found my faith has grown. Ultimately, I always need to remind myself that I need to give my stress and worry to God. I am his and he will not forsake me!
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