Making hard decisions are very difficult for me, especially when I know that those decisions are going to hurt people I care about. I know in my heart that the decisions I make are because I feel those decisions are what is best for children. However, when adults take those decisions personally, I feel terrible because that is never the intent. I never set out to hurt others, make them cry. I never intend to make someone feel bad, but I know that teachers take their job very seriously and their love for children is what makes them great at what they do. When a leader has to make a decision that will affect that Utopian classroom, it is never easy. I wish they could see into my soul, and know that I hate to see them hurt.
I once read a book called Leading With a Limp. It had a profound effect on me because it was about how I could be a better leader by admitting my many flaws, and relishing in the fact that through God, I can do anything. I have to have faith in the idea that I am in this job for a reason, for a purpose. When I make a decision that hurts someone, it takes a chunk out of my soul. I sometimes wonder how long I can keep doing it............
Making decisions about what is best for children doesn't make some adults happy. For some, it is hard to change instructional practices that you feel comfortable with. It is hard to not have a group of students that you are used to having. It is hard to have someone come in a "guide" you to follow pacing guides, give common assessments, make sure you learn the technology available and implement it in the classroom. I can only pray to God that he gives me a strength to continue to do the best I can. Or maybe God will give those I hurt a glimpse into my soul so they know I'm not out to get them, not out to hurt them.
"Prayer does not change God, but it changes him who prays."
-Soren Kierkegaard
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